I pursue women, regularly. Exclusively platonically. I have never had a real girlfriend, if a real girlfriend is one I had after I hit puberty and actually kissed. The market for platonic relationships is ever thinner and I’m painfully aware of that. I’m also, as mentioned on this blog before, a tomgirl. I’m a straight guy (heteroromantic asexual) who prefers the platonic company of women. It’s not an easy feat and it is an often futile one. There are many blogs about whether coed friendships are possible and, of course, the answer is that they are but they’re difficult for the fact that they are much less common than single-gender friendships and therefore the surrounding society grows suspicious of the friendship as being more than a friendship. The greatest difficulty in being coed BFFs is that most of the people around theorize and often gossip about a supposed undisclosed nature of the friendship. It’s yet even harder if one or both of the parties involved is in a romantic relationship.
Initiating the coed friendship is even difficult because even the phrase “talking to girls” implies a sexual intention in common parlance. It’s never meant that in my case but when I talk to girls, there is always a nervousness. I try to make clear the nonsexual and non-romantic intentions that I have very early in the conversation. In the end, even when a coed relationship is explicitly platonic, the smell of sexuality is never lost. I’m worried about my physical appearance, I’m worried about whether my personality is charming, and all of the other things that romantic partners worry about and that I worry about significantly less with male friends. That’s because if there are a lot of people who perceive our friendship as a cover for a romantic relationship then we have to be an acceptable couple to be accepted by society even though we’re not a couple.
As I’ve said earlier, I think going steady romantically should be far less common. I don’t want a girlfriend and not that long ago, a mere few decades, dates were more often one-off and in a world where that is the case coed platonic friendships are much easier. It would be far easier if dating were not the epicenter of social life and the subject of a disproportionate degree of interest and intrigue by the general population. Granted, I am an asexual and dating is an easy way of getting laid for those who can accomplish it. Obviously, as someone with almost no interest in sexual relations with anyone, I can more easily disavow dating categorically. However, since there is a very high degree of people whose friendships are impeded by society’s obsession with the practice it would be better if we could treat dating as a major but not the primary form of coed relationship so as to make coed platonic friendships easier.
I’m not nearly the only person who has had these hinderances in my quest to maintain close and platonic friendships with women. I prefer the platonic friendship of women and would prefer to be the token boy in a girl clique to anything like being one of the bros. The latter is something I would thoroughly dislike. I want to keep identifying as male, that means I have no desire to be transgender, but to socially be a female and to be regarded as a girl for social purposes. I’d like to join a sorority and I’d want to do sleepovers without being suspected of sleeping with any of the girls in the gathering. I’m half a girl on the inside. Even my male straightness is girly. I find girls pretty but I am more romantic than sexual to the point I identify as an asexual. My fantasies are much more female than male in terms of what I want. Although, that depends on what one defines as “what a girl wants” which is often confidence, masculinity, and even dominance which are qualities I don’t want in girls nor do I possess in myself. I want and possess myself qualities of silliness, anarchy, and fierce independence. No one on top, no one on bottom, both Abbie Hoffman guerilla theatrics living lives of perpetual satire, irreverence, and faux opulence.
That tangent leads me to my final point. In a world where everything orbits the gravitational anchor of sex, the silliness of playfulness of life dies. Sex elicits so much hatred, sadness, and, more importantly, somberness that everything turns into a soap opera of drama of hyperbolic trivialities. Where people develop feuds and declare war over nothing and the air is so saturated with suffocating steam and sweat that the sunlight just can’t get through. That is the greatest reason why I never want a girlfriend and why I want my relationships with females to be platonic. In the end, it is my desire for a disinfected air where there is no hatred or somberness. Despite that, I become the subject of scandals in the insane world of sex that other people live in whenever I try to befriend a girl or join a girl clique. I never signed up for the world of sex, leave me out of it, keep your stupid brawls and inane politics to y’all’s selves. It will continue to be a futile struggle but I’m a tomgirl and I’m not going to cease being one.