Don’t hesitate to reach out with the contact information below. As I am an extroverted Aspie, I am friendly. As I am religiously commanded to do, I must love you even if you are a mass murderer, a member of the far-right, or a child molester. Statistically, you are unlikely to be one so that makes you significantly easier to love. If you happen to be among those categories, I extend my heartfelt congratulations and kudos to you for not getting caught since, presumably, you wouldn’t have access to the internet while incarcerated.

As the picture above may imply, if you do send me correspondence, I prefer flowery and romantic language. The picture is Juliet from the 2013 film adaptation writing what seemed to be a diary entry but it looks like she’s writing a letter so it works for a contact page. I lament and regret the decline in diction and eloquence in our current language. What used to be an art, is now a mere utility. The Zoomer generation is so poorly skilled in their communication that half of their relationships; platonic, romantic, and professional, end in ghosting.

Ghosting is a phenomenon I have never understood. Unless someone is truly creepy or harassing me in a manner akin to that, I invariably respond to all of my correspondence. If someone isn’t dangerous, and most people aren’t, issues are best resolved through more, not less, communication. A little awkwardness and embarrassment is worth mending relationships and maintaining good terms with people. Furthermore, not responding is open to infinite interpretations, most of which are negative, while responding narrows the plausible receptions of something to a list all closer in meaning to the intended one.

If you send me something, unless I become an A-list celebrity or you have given me a legitimate reason to fear you, I’ll respond. Even if I become an A-list celebrity or have a legitimate fear of you, there is still a fair chance you’ll get a reply from me. You’re my sibling in the human family and deserve to feel that I love you and the way love is expressed is through expression. You may be crazy or less than perfectly coherent, I have spent enough time in Special Ed, around homeless people, and around drunk people that being incoherent and crazy around me is safe and I won’t judge you harshly. I, and most people, have had bouts of frazzle and torrents of emotion, sometimes combined. Lucidity and sobriety are usually regained within a week and I’m not going to assume you’re about to kill me.

I’m Lonely… Call me maybe?

Charleston, South Carolina

You’re very popular, can I have your contact?

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